Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
