sarcasm needs its own font
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
