you traded sex for a burrito?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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