Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
