Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
that is very illegal...i love you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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