I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
