mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
