eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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