I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
