I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
