I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
