You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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