nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
