Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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