I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am one with the molecules
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
