I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
