my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
