Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
