1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
