how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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