a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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