I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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