This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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