My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize