im having a threesome with these popsicles
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
