You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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