He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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