Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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