dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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