I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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