My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
