Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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