Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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