First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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