how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
