you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
