my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
