Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
