I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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