Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
