wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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