Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
