Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize