i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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