the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
worst night to have a conscience
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
