Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize