I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
