Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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