apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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