I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
