I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
