but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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