i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
