Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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