Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
