Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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