please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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