Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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