were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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