Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize