dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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