apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I love having hate sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
