Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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