Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
