Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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