Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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