for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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