I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
