I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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