sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
