i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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