Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
