I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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