Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Too much gin, very little bucket
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
