I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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