How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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