oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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