i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
