A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
