I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
