I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
