Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Randomize
