i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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