Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
