He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
