he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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