Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
