Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
