i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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