Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
