why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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