yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
