Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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