where am i from again
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
