I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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