I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
