3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
