God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
