do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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