So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
