An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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