I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize