Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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