Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
