I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dignity is for republicans.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize