I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
where am i from again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
