Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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