i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
