be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
