you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
