Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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